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What is love bombing and can it happen in my friendships?
Love bombing is a narcissistic tactic of showering someone with love, affection, gifts, time, etc. early on in a friendship or relationship as a means of manipulating or swaying that person into staying in the friendship/relationship. You might ask...why would a friend want to manipulate me? Narcissists attempt to manipulate others for their own personal gain. In some way love bombing you provides a boost of confidence and energy to the other person. They are basically reeling you in with their manipulation and they thrive on isolating you and making you reliant/dependent on their friendship.
Love bombing can absolutely happen in a friendship and when it does, it may be hard to identify the symptoms and grasp what is happening. You may feel excited to have someone want to spend so much time with you and tell you intimate details of their life... It can feel really good to have someone that you can share secrets and special details about yourself with too. Having that best friend can feel so welcoming and safe...But, just like in our romantic relationships...sometimes too much too soon is not a good thing.
Love bombing is used in romantic relationships and friendships alike. The goal of love bombing is to build dependence on that relationship, which leads to patterns of isolation from other relationships and your social world as a whole. We see love bombing from individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, as they use the tactic to gain control and power in the friendship. Your reliance on the other person increases the individuals power and control over you. Love bombing may feel good initially, but it is always replaced by unhealthy behavior...and you are always left scratching your head as to what happened...how did my friend change so much and will they come back???
Some common and easy to recognize signs of love bombing are:
Narcissism: Underlying the love bombing is a sense of narcissism. Easy to recognize signs of narcissistic behavior and abuse include: attention seeking, putting others down to build themselves up, entitlement, exploiting others, arrogance and a sense of grandiose self-importance, lack of empathy, need for admiration (without ever actually earning it), deceiving others, etc. Narcissistic abuse may involve: gaslighting, emotional and verbal abuse, constantly putting you down, isolation, causing constant fear of losing the friendship or relationship, etc.
Sharing intimate secrets about themselves early on in the friendship- this is used to build a close and intimate connection rapidly and make the listener (you) feel special to be granted knowledge to these details. Sharing special information so early creates a strong and instant bond...almost without even realizing it.
Emulation and copying behavior: One of the best ways to make someone else comfortable is to copy them and emulate their style, behavior, mannerisms speech pattern, etc. A love bomber may do many of these copying behaviors to make you feel more comfortable with them quickly in the friendship. Your friend may start to dress like you, talk like you, act like you and build the same hobbies as you as a way of building the relationship rapidly.
Gift giving: A love bomber may give you gifts as a way of showing affection. These gifts are a way of making you feel good about the other person and feeling like you owe the other person something in exchange. Sometimes the gift may be small and trivial but are designed to create a heartfelt connection that is not authentic. The gifts always come with an expectation of something in return, whether time, energy, a gift of your own, etc.
Spending lots of time together either in person or through phone calls, texting and social media contact. The love bomber may try and isolate you from others simply by occupying much of your free time. You may not even notice that you stop reaching out to others because you are so entrenched in chatting with this new person so often.
Isolation: a love bomber will not want to share you with others and will often attempt to isolate you from other friends. They make comments or gestures that they are the only one who understands you. They may try and create conflict in your other relationships or make up lies and minimize your other friendships. They may also find another way to separate you from other healthy individuals in your life.
Praise and positive acknowledgments: It can feel really good to be praised and commended by someone, but a love bomber is doing it in order to bring you further into the friendship. The comments may be excessive (yet lacking in detail) and often making you feel like that love bomber is the only one who sees your success and power. Constant use of compliments may initially feel good, but eventually you realize it is not authentic.
Playing the victim: A narcissist is not capable of apologizing authentically for their behavior and will turn any situation where their behavior is being addressed back around on you. Suddenly they are calling out your behavior, making you feel like you have done something wrong and creating a situation where you are encouraged to apologize and ignore the reason you initiated the conversation in the first place. A love bombing narcissist is not capable of actually and authentically apologizing for or acknowledging their bad behavior, they need to always be the victim in their narrative.
Close friendships are amazing; however they do not include isolation, any form of abuse or a power and control dynamic. You can absolutely find a best friend, close friend or someone you love who meets every need, but does not harm you in any way. Just as we think about romantic relationships, we can say love does not hurt and the same can be said for our friendships. We want to surround ourselves with people who build us up and make us feel good... not just for their benefit.
By being aware of some of these friendship/love bombing red flags you can absolutely weed through unhealthy people in your life and create lasting, healthy and truly wonderful friendships. Love bombing is not new. However, we have a new name for it. Historically we would call love bombing - narcissistic abuse. Like we see in narcissistic abuse when the abuser’s behavior is called out, they will become aggressive and create scenarios where they are the victim. The key to communicating with a love bombing narcissist is boundaries, boundaries and more boundaries. Use your assertive voice, set your boundaries and meet your needs. There are ways to come back from engaging with a love bomber and they very much include self-reflection, self-care, and meeting your needs.
If you have been in an unhealthy friendship or relationship there is much that can be done to help you manage the emotional aftermath. Therapy is one of the best ways to process your experience and build healthy coping tools to manage the emotions and triggers that have developed. You are not alone and counseling is an excellent way to regain control of yourself, experience and future.
If you would like more information or would like to work with Alison Murphey please click HERE. Alison Murphey, LMFT is licensed in California and accepting new clients in the state of California only.
Good Faith Estimate Information
You have the right to receive a “Good Faith Estimate” explaining how much your medical care will cost
Under the law, health care providers need to give patients who don’t have insurance or who are not using insurance an estimate of the bill for medical items and services.
You have the right to receive a Good Faith Estimate for the total expected cost of any non-emergency items or services. This includes related costs like medical tests, prescription drugs, equipment, and hospital fees.
Make sure your health care provider gives you a Good Faith Estimate in writing at least 1 business day before your medical service or item. You can also ask your health care provider, and any other provider you choose, for a Good Faith Estimate before you schedule an item or service.
If you receive a bill that is at least $400 more than your Good Faith Estimate, you can dispute the bill.
Make sure to save a copy or picture of your Good Faith Estimate.
For questions or more information about your right to a Good Faith Estimate, visit
www.cms.gov/nosurprises or call 1-800-985-3059.
1
Privacy Practices
NOTICE OF PRIVACY PRACTICES
I. THIS NOTICE DESCRIBES HOW MEDICAL INFORMATION ABOUT YOU MAY BE USED AND DISCLOSED AND HOW YOU CAN GET ACCESS TO THIS INFORMATION. PLEASE REVIEW IT CAREFULLY.
II. I HAVE A LEGAL DUTY TO SAFEGUARD YOUR PROTECTED HEALTH INFORMATION (PHI).
I am legally required to protect the privacy of your PHI, which includes information that can be used to identify you that I've created or received about your past, present, or future health or condition, the provision of health care to you, or the payment of this health care. I must provide you with this Notice about my privacy practices, and such Notice must explain how, when, and why I will “use” and “disclose” your PHI. A “use” of PHI occurs when I share, examine, utilize, apply, or analyze such information within my practice; PHI is “disclosed” when it is released, transferred, has been given to, or is otherwise divulged to a third party outside of my practice. With some exceptions, I may not use or disclose any more of your PHI than is necessary to accomplish the purpose for which the use or disclosure is made. And, I am legally required to follow the privacy practices described in this Notice.
However, I reserve the right to change the terms of this Notice and my privacy policies at any time. Any changes will apply to PHI on file with me already. Before I make any important changes to my policies, I will promptly notify you.
III. HOW I MAY USE AND DISCLOSE YOUR PHI.
I will use and disclose your PHI for many different reasons. For some of these uses or disclosures, I will need your prior written authorization; for others, however, I do not. Listed below are the different categories of my uses and disclosures along with some examples of each category.
A. Uses and Disclosures Relating to Treatment, Payment, or Health Care Operations Do Not Require Your Prior Written Consent. I can use and disclose your PHI without your consent for the following reasons:
1. For Treatment. I can use your PHI within my practice to provide you with mental health treatment, including discussing or sharing your PHI in peer consultation. I can disclose your PHI to physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists, and other licensed health care providers who provide you with health care services or are involved in your care. For example, if a psychiatrist is treating you, I can disclose your PHI to your psychiatrist to coordinate your care.
2. To Obtain Payment for Treatment. I can use and disclose your PHI to bill and collect payment for the treatment and services provided by me to you. For example, I might send your PHI to your insurance company or health plan to get paid for the health care services that I have provided to you. I may also provide your PHI to my business associates, such as billing companies, claims processing companies, and others that process my health care claims.
3. For Health Care Operations. I can use and disclose your PHI to operate my practice. For example, I might use your PHI to evaluate the quality of health care services that you received or to evaluate the performance of the health care professionals who provided such services to you. I may also provide your PHI to my accountant, attorney, consultants, or others to further my health care operations.
4. Patient Incapacitation or Emergency. I may also disclose your PHI to others without your consent if you are incapacitated or if an emergency exists. For example, your consent isn't required if you need emergency treatment, as long as I try to get your consent after treatment is rendered, or if I try to get your consent but you are unable to communicate with me (for example, if you are unconscious or in severe pain) and I think that you would consent to such treatment if you were able to do so.
B. Certain Other Uses and Disclosures Also Do Not Require Your Consent or Authorization. I can use and disclose your PHI without your consent or authorization for the following reasons:
1. When federal, state, or local laws require disclosure. For example, I may have to make a disclosure to applicable governmental officials when a law requires me to report information to government agencies and law enforcement personnel about victims of abuse or neglect.
2. When judicial or administrative proceedings require disclosure. For example, if you are involved in a lawsuit or a claim for workers’ compensation benefits, I may have to use or disclose your PHI in response to a court or administrative order. I may also have to use or disclose your PHI in response to a subpoena.
3. When law enforcement requires disclosure. For example, I may have to use or disclose your PHI in response to a search warrant.
4. When public health activities require disclosure. For example, I may have to use or disclose your PHI to report to a government official an adverse reaction that you have to a medication.
5. When health oversight activities require disclosure. For example, I may have to provide information to assist the government in conducting an investigation or inspection of a health care provider or organization.
6. To avert a serious threat to health or safety. For example, I may have to use or disclose your PHI to avert a serious threat to the health or safety of others. However, any such disclosures will only be made to someone able to prevent the threatened harm from occurring.
7. For specialized government functions. If you are in the military, I may have to use or disclose your PHI for national security purposes, including protecting the President of the United States or conducting intelligence operations.
8. To remind you about appointments and to inform you of health-related benefits or services. For example, I may have to use or disclose your PHI to remind you about your appointments, or to give you information about treatment alternatives, other health care services, or other health care benefits that I offer that may be of interest to you.
C. Certain Uses and Disclosures Require You to Have the Opportunity to Object.
1. Disclosures to Family, Friends, or Others. I may provide your PHI to a family member, friend, or other person that you indicate is involved in your care or the payment for your health care, unless you object in whole or in part. The opportunity to consent may be obtained retroactively in emergency situations.
D. Other Uses and Disclosures Require Your Prior Written Authorization.
In any other situation not described in sections III A, B, and C above, I will need your written authorization before using or disclosing any of your PHI. If you choose to sign an authorization to disclose your PHI, you can later revoke such authorization in writing to stop any future uses and disclosures (to the extent that I haven't taken any action in reliance on such authorization) of your PHI by me.
IV. WHAT RIGHTS YOU HAVE REGARDING YOUR PHI
You have the following rights with respect to your PHI:
A. The Right to Request Restrictions on My Uses and Disclosures. You have the right to request restrictions or limitations on my uses or disclosures of your PHI to carry out my treatment, payment, or health care operations. You also have the right to request that I restrict or limit disclosures of your PHI to family members or friends or others involved in your care or who are financially responsible for your care. Please submit such requests to me in writing. I will consider your requests, but I am not legally required to accept them. If I do accept your requests, I will put them in writing and I will abide by them, except in emergency situations. However, be advised, that you may not limit the uses and disclosures that I am legally required to make.
B. The Right to Choose How I Send PHI to You. You have the right to request that I send confidential information to you to at an alternate address (for example, sending information to your work address rather than your home address) or by alternate means (for example, e-mail instead of regular mail). I must agree to your request so long as it is reasonable and you specify how or where you wish to be contacted, and when appropriate, you provide me with information as to how payment for such alternate communications will be handled. I may not require an explanation from you as to the basis of your request as a condition of providing communications on a confidential basis.
C. The Right to Inspect and Receive a Copy of Your PHI. In most cases, you have the right to inspect and receive a copy of the PHI that I have on you, but you must make the request to inspect and receive a copy of such information in writing. If I don't have your PHI but I know who does, I will tell you how to get it. I will respond to your request within 15 days of receiving your written request (with a possible 15 day extension). In certain situations, I may deny your request. If I do, I will tell you, in writing, my reasons for the denial and explain your right to have my denial reviewed.
If you request copies of your PHI, I will charge you not more than $.25 for each page printed. Instead of providing the PHI you requested, I may provide you with a summary or explanation of the PHI as long as you agree to that and to the cost in advance. The total cost for requesting your PHI or receiving a summary/explanation of treatment will be based upon your agreed upon hourly rate for services and billed based on time spent by clinician to complete request.
D. The Right to Receive a List of the Disclosures I Have Made. You have the right to receive a list of instances, i.e., an Accounting of Disclosures, in which I have disclosed your PHI. The list will not include disclosures made for my treatment, payment, or health care operations; disclosures made to you; disclosures you authorized; disclosures incident to a use or disclosure permitted or required by the federal privacy rule; disclosures made for national security or intelligence; disclosures made to correctional institutions or law enforcement personnel; or, disclosures made before November 23, 2011.
I will respond to your request for an Accounting of Disclosures within 60 days of receiving such request. The list I will give you will include disclosures made in the last six years unless you request a shorter time. The list will include the date the disclosure was made, to whom the PHI was disclosed (including their address, if known), a description of the information disclosed, and the reason for the disclosure. I will provide the list to you at no charge, but if you make more than one request in the same year, I may charge you a reasonable, cost-based fee for each additional request.
E. The Right to Amend Your PHI. If you believe that there is a mistake in your PHI or that a piece of important information is missing, you have the right to request that I correct the existing information or add the missing information. You must provide the request and your reason for the request in writing. I will respond within 60 days of receiving your request to correct or update your PHI. I may deny your request in writing if the PHI is (i) correct and complete, (ii) not created by me, (iii) not allowed to be disclosed, or (iv) not part of my records.
My written denial will state the reasons for the denial and explain your right to file a written statement of disagreement with the denial. If you don't file one, you have the right to request that your request and my denial be attached to all future disclosures of your PHI. If I approve your request, I will make the change to your PHI, tell you that I have done it, and tell others that need to know about the change to your PHI.
F. The Right to Receive a Paper Copy of this Notice. You have the right to receive a paper copy of this notice even if you have agreed to receive it via e-mail.
V. HOW TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MY PRIVACY PRACTICES
If you think that I may have violated your privacy rights, or you disagree with a decision I made about access to your PHI, you may file a complaint with the Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services at 200 Independence Avenue S.W., Washington, D.C. 20201. I will take no retaliatory action against you if you file a complaint about my privacy practices.
NOTICE TO CLIENTS:
The Board of Behavioral Sciences receives and responds to complaints regarding services provided within the scope of practice of (marriage and family therapists, licensed educational psychologists, clinical social workers, or professional clinical counselors). You may contact the board online at www.bbs.ca.gov, or by calling (916) 574-7830.
Vl. EFFECTIVE DATE OF THIS NOTICE
This notice went into effect on November 23, 2011.
What is Intergenerational Trauma and How You Can Stop It
Most people recognize trauma as something specific that happens to them. You can experience trauma as a child or adult, and it comes in a variety of forms. But, you can also experience intergenerational trauma – even when the traumatic event didn’t impact you directly.
Intergenerational trauma, often referred to as multigenerational trauma, refers to trauma that gets passed down from generation to generation. Someone in your family could have experienced a traumatic event years ago, but because of the way it was passed on, you could be dealing with it.
What does that mean, exactly? Let’s dive deeper into what intergenerational trauma looks like, and how you can put a stop to the cycle.
How to Identify Intergenerational Trauma
Without a prior understanding of intergenerational trauma, it might seem confusing at first. The easiest way to understand it is to look at a possible example.
A classic example is childhood abuse. If your great-grandmother was abused as a child, she could have continued that cycle of abuse (either physical or emotional) with her own children. They may have then continued it with theirs until it was passed down to you.
Sometimes, intergenerational trauma occurs that isn’t anyone’s fault. People who lived in extreme poverty may pass on the habits of that lifestyle to future generations. Others who experienced traumatic situations, like witnessing a violent death, can also pass on the effects of that trauma.
Holocaust survivors are often discussed when it comes to intergenerational trauma. Obviously, you didn’t go through the horrors of the holocaust. But, you may know of those horrors and have specific fears because of the effects that were passed down in your family.
What Are the Signs?
Unfortunately, intergenerational trauma often goes unrecognized. That’s what causes the cycle to move forward without ceasing. But, when you understand what it is and some of the common symptoms, you can be the generation that puts a stop to it.
Some of the usual signs of intergenerational trauma include:
Low self-esteem
Insomnia
Anger
Anxiety
Depression
These can be symptoms of a variety of mental health conditions, which is why it’s so important to receive a proper diagnosis. It can help to know a bit about your family history. So, don’t be afraid to do a little digging into the past. Also know that you don’t have to handle the effects of this type of trauma on your own.
How Therapy Can Help
If you want to be the one that stops the cycle, talking to a mental health professional is your best option.
One of the most important aspects of therapy is peeling back the layers of trauma to get to the root cause. While intergenerational trauma might not be easy to diagnose, it’s working through those layers that will make it possible to get the answers you need.
When you recognize that your symptoms don’t necessarily stem from your own experiences, you can work on developing the skills needed to overcome them. That can be difficult, as it often requires you to recognize things about your upbringing that aren’t easy to admit. However, as you work through them in a safe and neutral setting, you can start to take full control of your life for the first time rather than letting the trauma define you.
If you want to know more about intergenerational trauma or you believe you might be dealing with it, please contact me to set up an appointment. The things your family went through in the past don’t have to dictate your life today. Together, we’ll get to the bottom of your experiences. And as we do, you can find the freedom to live the way you want to.
4 Ways Past Trauma Can Impact Anxiety
No one likes to step back in time to deal with trauma that happened years ago. Some people may not even remember the things they went through, blocking out the memories as a defense mechanism. Others simply don’t want to relive things like verbal or physical abuse, the loss of a loved one, or neglect.
No matter how long ago your trauma was, though, it could be impacting you today more than you realize. If you struggle with feelings of anxiety and have unresolved trauma, the two might be connected. The traumatic experience(s) from your past could be fueling your anxiety today.
Not sure how the two are linked? Let’s look at four ways past trauma can impact anxiety.
1. A Fight-or-Flight Response to Fear
If you find yourself constantly anxious that “the worst” is going to happen, it could be the result of something traumatic that happened earlier in your life. Worried thoughts are one thing. But, when your body goes into “fight-or-flight” mode, it’s trying to prepare itself for something that’s about to happen.
You could be responding that way because you’ve had to defend yourself with fight-or-flight in the past. If your worries often come with ideas on what you’re going to do to protect yourself, it could be the result of past trauma.
2. Flashbacks
Most people recognize the common symptoms of PTSD, and that often includes flashbacks. But, this disorder affects more than just soldiers who have been to war.
Any type of traumatic experience can trigger flashbacks and make you feel like you’re re-experiencing something negative on a regular basis. Flashbacks aren’t just memories. They can often make you feel the same way you did during the traumatic moments, causing extreme anxiety and fear.
3. Triggers
You might not feel anxious all of the time. But, if certain things trigger your anxiety and suddenly cause a surge of fear, it’s important to be aware of what those triggers are and how they might relate to your past.
The next time something triggers your anxiety, think about what it was. Were you in a specific location? Were you with a certain person? What activity were you doing? When you can answer those questions, you’ll eventually get to the root cause of your triggers, which can help you have a better understanding of where your anxiety comes from.
4. Cognitive Issues
Trauma can hijack your brain. It can cause you to become fearful more often than not, and completely take over your life. If you feel like you don’t have control over your own worried thoughts, and you’re constantly scared, it can negatively impact your cognitive function.
If you’re having trouble focusing or remembering things, or even find it difficult to think clearly most of the time, it could be from anxiety caused by trauma. Between flashbacks, fear, and trying to avoid triggers, there’s a lot going on inside your mind. It only makes sense that there might not be room for normal, everyday thinking.
If any of these issues sound familiar, it’s important to understand that you’re not alone. Trauma survivors often feel guilt or shame, which is a big reason they don’t seek out the help they need or deserve. But, if you’re struggling with anxiety and you’re worried it might be from a traumatic experience in your life, you can find freedom. You can take control of your life again.
Feel free to contact me to learn more about how therapy can ease your anxiety and get to the root of your trauma, while teaching you the skills necessary to move forward while breaking the chains of fear.
The Pandemic Holiday Blues
The holidays can often be a mixed bag of emotions...and this year in particular is bringing up many feelings. The holiday blues is something I first wrote about several years ago and seems more relevant in 2020 than ever before. We are all navigating a pandemic world and all the changes it kicks up. This year and especially this holiday season has brought change unlike any other and the emotions and fears attached can really cause some emotional and behavioral damage.
The holiday season can so often trigger many stressors (time with family or even time without family, grief and loss anniversaries, loneliness, financial concern, and many other stressors). Whether you face all, or just one of these stressors it is important to recognize healthy ways to cope and manage the emotions attached. The first step in managing the holiday blues is to learn a bit more about the symptoms.
The holiday blues are essentially a set of symptoms that appear similar to anxiety and depression. Various symptoms could include and are not limited to: worry, panic, depression, fatigue, sadness, irritability, etc. The holidays blues are associated with various physical symptoms: headaches, stomach problems, physical pain, muscle tension, insomnia/hypersomnia (sleeping too much), patterns of addiction and other physical health concerns. It is imperative we listen to our bodies and minds so we can intervene and safely address our emotional states.
I am hearing from many of the individuals I work with they are feeling a multitude of emotions. Loneliness has become such an increasing trigger this holiday season and in 2020 overall. It is so challenging to be away from family at the holiday times, but to add on that we have all been socially isolating for about 8 months makes this holiday season even more difficult. Coping with loneliness really comes down to being self aware and taking care of your own mental health.
We need to focus on and care for our own needs…but first we need to understand what those needs are. Journaling can help track your thoughts, feelings, needs and worries. If you don’t love journal writing, try using artwork as a medium to channel anything you are feeling. Art allows us to express ourselves in a variety of forms (painting, drawing, sewing, creating music, playing an instrument, cooking/baking, crafting, etc.). As you read on you will learn and explore some other helpful tools to manage the loneliness and other emotional triggers present right now.
Along with managing the loneliness, sadness and anxiety of 2020 I have also seen many people trying to maintain and keep a brave facade. I have witnessed many people repressing and limiting their true feelings as a means of keeping others safe. That repression becomes quite difficult to navigate and cope with long-term. It is very important to really own and be honest with ourselves and others when we are struggling. When we hold back our needs and feelings, we end up hurting ourselves more than anyone else. As challenging as it may be, we need to allow ourselves to advocate for and express our emotions. Engaging socially, writing (putting down our thoughts on paper, thought tracking, journal writing, etc.) and even speaking to a therapist can help us understand what we are feeling and begin to work through those concerns. Sometimes we just need to grieve and process the losses and emotions we are presently feeling.
The holidays also bring up other challenges related to expectations of ourselves and others. There are so many expectations, anticipation and emotions tied to the holidays that it can be a challenge to stay grounded, present and calm. I have noticed many individuals engage in the "should" thoughts when thinking about their holiday experience. Some of these “should” thoughts are: I should be happy, I should see my family/I should want to see family, I should smile, I should buy gifts, I should not worry, etc. Those “should” thoughts specifically bring up guilt toward ourselves and anger toward others. It is so very important to kick the “should” thoughts and really all expectations of ourselves, others and the holiday situation out the window this year and going forward. Let’s work to focus on what we want and what we can tolerate at the holiday time. With all the stressors of 2020 let’s change the word “should” to the phrase “what can I handle right now”.
You are not alone in navigating this pandemic holiday world. We are all feeling the stress in different ways. Just because it is holiday time does not make the stress any less and in many cases it is bringing up even more chaos and challenge. There are so many questions floating around (i.e. do I see my family, is it safe to see family, what can I do alone, do I have to be alone, etc.). This pandemic world is truly a new adventure and the concern and worry attached causes much strife.
As human beings we do not do well with a sense of the unknown and this current holiday season brings up many unknowns, questions and concerns. It is OK not to have all the answers. It is also OK to admit you are stressed, worried and not doing well right now. As a world we have never gone through anything like this in modern times and it is a new world we are navigating.
There are some helpful things we can do to calm our thoughts, minds and body. This is a great time to engage in hobbies and tools that make you happy. Typically in times of stress we sometimes pull away from our coping tools, and it is important to find some personal accountability to maintain activity in those healthy tools. Distractions can be helpful in decreasing the focus on stressors in our life. The distractions will not change what is going on, but gives us something else to channel our energy to. Healthy distractions like art work, hobbies at home, gardening, exercise, reading, starting a new show, cooking/baking, etc. allow us to stay more grounded to the present and decrease the focus on the unknowns of the present and fears rooted in the past. Keeping to a schedule also allows us to find some control when we are feeling lost. Writing in a journal also allows for healthy self expression. Finding new ways to connect with others also allows us to engage in a social, yet safe manner. We may be socially distanced, but we can still text, call and face time with the people we care about.
This year may be different in many ways, but there is hope and there is help. There are opportunities to take care of ourselves even when stressed and upset. As always if those emotions become too much to bear please reach out to someone. You are not alone in this…and this is temporary.
In review here is a brief list of healthy coping tools we can all use when feeling triggered by the holiday blues, the covid pandemic and everything thing else in general:
Stick to a schedule
Distract yourself with something healthy (ie. read a book, watch a TV program/movie, cook your favorite meal, call a loved one, etc.)
Try something new (i.e. cook a new recipe, pick up a new hobby, etc.)
Engage in healthy self care
Journal and/or express yourself in a creative and artistic way
Reach out
Recognize that you may be struggling and don’t be afraid to ask for help
If ever the holiday blues or any of the current stressors feel like they are out of control please call:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
The Holiday Blues 2020
In honor of the holiday season I thought it was important to address the pink elephant in the room…The Holiday Blues. In a time when everyone appears to be content, and joyful it is important to remember that it is OK to face some negative emotions, at this time as well. Whether the stress of time with family, grief and loss anniversaries, loneliness, financial concern, or other stressors, it is important to recognize the need for self care at this time of year. There are many ways to safely cope with the holiday blues and recognize what is taking place in your mind and body.
The holiday blues are essentially a set of symptoms that appear similar to anxiety and depression. Various symptoms could include and are not limited to: worry, panic, depression, fatigue, sadness, irritability, etc.. The holidays blues are associated with various physical symptoms: headaches, stomach problems, physical pain, muscle tension, insomnia/hypersomnia, patterns of addiction and other physical health concerns. It is imperative we listen to our bodies and minds so we can intervene and safely address our emotional states.
Healthy coping skills are extremely important in regulating our emotions during this time of the year. Coping skills can fall in to two categories: individual skills and interpersonal (group) skills.
Individual Coping Skills:
Listen to your mind/body
Set realistic goals for self and others-DON'T OVER DO IT!
Creating to-do lists and prioritizing needs rather than focusing on everything
Self Care: specialized time for self, listen to your favorite song, engage in hobbies/interests, rest, have fun, and practice of other safe tools all in moderation
Remain grounded and focused on the present-fight the urge to focus on the past or future
Plan ahead
Interpersonal (group skills):
Reach out: talk to friends, family, therapist, or other helpful individuals
Socialize
Volunteer
As stressful as the holidays may seem always remember that it is a time-limited event. You absolutely have the ability to get through the holidays by using healthy coping skills. Remember that you are not alone in this and that many people face the holiday blues at one time or another.
If ever the holiday blues feel like they are out of control please call:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Coping With Pain
Physical pain can be so much more than a headache or body ache, it can be debilitating and life altering. When we don't feel well in our body it affects us on so many different life domains. When we hurt, our personal, work and home lives all suffer. It is hard to find the energy to take on any task, let alone even engage in our personal needs. I understand and even personally recognize how not feeling well physically impacts every aspect of our life...and especially our mental well being.
There is such a correlation between body pain, migraines/headaches, digestive problems, immune system functioning, chronic health issues, etc. and the impact on depression, anxiety and other emotional/behavioral functions. As we cope with and navigate trauma our body can hold on to the emotions in a physical manner, triggering a variety of physical health symptoms that have an emotional source.
When managing chronic health issues it can even feel traumatizing and like you are fighting an up hill battle. Our mental health and physical health are highly intertwined and can trigger us in a variety of ways. Sometimes the struggle is that we don't see the connection.
It can feel beyond daunting and out of control to deal with somatic (body) pain and symptoms. As difficult as it is to believe, there is help from the symptoms. Seeking therapy and processing underlying emotions can be helpful. Addressing and confronting anger at our own body opens up the ability to move forward. It might sound strange to hold anger at our own body, but by owning it, processing it and working through it, you have the ability to decrease so much emotional and physical discomfort. Learning healthy coping tools to self soothe is a great benefit in confronting symptoms head on.
I have found several guided meditations that I use in my practice regularly to help those holding on to various forms of pain. I have uploaded one of my favorite guided meditations called the "Light Stream" already on my website.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can also be an out of the box tool in moving through physical pain, decreasing fear of the symptoms and building control over the pain.
By increasing activity in mindfulness skills we can increase our ability to feel in control of our situation and even be more grounded and present. When using relaxation skills we teach our body how to self soothe and de-escalate. Progressive muscle relaxation is an excellent tool in training our muscles to relax under our own gentle command. Use of deep breathing is another extremely helpful way to self regulate and calm the mind/body connection.
As frustrating as pain can be, there is hope. There are a variety of skills we can use and many professionals who can help us cope with the emotional burden of pain. Please do not be afraid to reach out and address those underlying causes of pain. There is hope and there is help.
Pandemic Emotional Burnout
If we were just talking about the quarantine/pandemic and Covid-19, we could all admit this has been a trying time. I was originally going to write a blog about quarantine burnout and realized that just doesn't cut it right now. There is so much taking place in our country that transcends just quarantine and a pandemic...our country is hurting and changing and we need to process it. There are many emotions floating around. There is heartbreak, hurt, sadness, grief and many other emotions right now. It is a challenge not to internalize those emotions and strife we all feel.
Many have faced quarantine, curfew, loss, illness, and pain in recent months. As citizens, we have already been so provoked that anything else added to our plates feels like more than we can handle. We all want to be safe, yet are missing that social contact and ability to engage with others we have grown accustomed to...The truth is people do need social contact to feel emotional stability and security.
I am hearing from so many of the people whom I work with that they are experiencing a variety of symptoms along the lines of anxiety, depression, fatigue, stress, worry, loneliness, anger, etc. I have turned to labeling many of the symptoms as Quarantine Burnout, or even just sheer emotional burn out. People have simply hit their limit on how much they can really handle and we are instead seeing an increase in different emotional and behavioral symptoms. Everyone expresses their struggles differently so your symptoms may look different from your friend, child, partner, loved one's and coworkers.
Even as things remain beyond our control, there still are things that we can do to take back control of ourselves, environment and immediate surroundings. It is so important to fight the urge to focus on the future. It is easy to activate the automatic negative thought of Fortune Telling, but we must fight that urge to focus on the future and use our skills to stay present and grounded. Mindfulness skills come in handy to help us focus on the present and what we are truly in control of right now. Many skills can help us stay present: sometimes we need to use safe distractions, hobbies, talking to loved ones, staying busy and using our voice to recognize our own strength. Each and every one of us has a voice and it is how we use our voice to assert our power. Journal, blog or document your journey. It is healthy and important to process your struggles and writing allows us to externalize our thoughts and feelings. Processing through writing is an amazing tool in recognizing and addressing subconscious and underlying emotional patterns.
As always there are people ready and waiting to listen if those emotions are too much to bear on your own.
Coping With Covid-19
In these stressful times it is important to remember the tools and techniques we are in control of and can use to support ourselves and our emotional well being.
Light Stream Guided Meditation
The light stream guided meditation is a terrific tool to decrease physical pain, body tension and discomfort. Please follow along to the instructions and watch your physical tension and pain fade away.
The light stream guided meditation is a terrific tool to decrease physical pain, body tension and discomfort. Please follow along to the instructions and watch your physical tension and pain fade away.
How to Cope With Uncertainty...Right Now
Many people are facing mild to severe panic over the state of the world right now. It is extremely normal to have concern, fear and even panic as things feel very out of control and strange. As human beings we like to feel in control of our situation and current things may feel quite the opposite. In times like these where the unknown is active it is so important that we work to ground ourselves to the present and really focus on self care.
As things have become increasingly uncertain I am hearing from so many of the people that I work with that they are facing anxiety, panic and grave concern over the present situation. Although we may not be in control at present we can do very specific things to make ourselves feel more in control, calm and soothed.
The idea of being grounded is about being present and focused on the here and now. Although we do not know what the future holds we are very much in control of ourselves in the present or the moment. There are three different types of grounding, physical, mental and soothing grounding. Each type of grounding skill works differently, but works on the premise of shifting or distracting your focus. Grounding skills, self care and other coping skills cannot change the issues taking place now, but can help calm temporarily.
With physical grounding the skills involve using your body and physical senses to help you stay present and in the moment. One simple way to help stay grounded is to wash your hands and just focus on what the water feels like on your skin, notice the sensations and feelings of the water. Pick up and touch various safe objects (for example, pen, mug, remote control, keys, phone, etc.) around you and focus on how they feel in your hands, notice the size, temperature, texture and weight of each item. You can also hold on to the arms of your chair or couch and again just focus on what you feel, and notice the different sensations. It can be helpful to find a grounding object, some people find wisdom stones (we won't call them worry stones), meditation bracelets, piece of jewelry or something else you can hold to help you focus and soothe. Another form involves using your body, wiggle your toes, clench your fists or move your head back and forth gently. Progressive muscle relaxation is a wonderful technique where you work from the top of your head and move all the way to your toes by tensing and relaxing the different muscles in your body. Deep breathing is also extremely helpful in allowing yourself to de-escalate.
Mental grounding techniques use your mental focus to help you self soothe. You can start by simply just describing your immediate surroundings in great detail (say out load or to yourself everything you see around you). Play the categories game and pick a topic and name as many things under that umbrella as you can (pick a sport and name all the teams you can think of, name all the states, cities or countries, etc.). Read something brief, like the title of a book and then read it backwards. Count backwards from 100 or even say the alphabet. You can even choose a task that you do every day and describe it and every part of it in as much detail as you can.
Soothing grounding skills are a lot like mindfulness and even use some meditation skills. An easy way to get started would be to list your favorites, maybe your favorite TV shows, foods, places to travel, really just list anything that you love. You can also try singing your favorite song or hum it to yourself. Another tool would be to say positive statements to yourself (ie. I am strong, I am powerful) or work on coming up with a positive mantra that you would want to believe (ie. This feeling is temporary, I can handle this).
These skills are helpful for managing our stressors in the short term. There are plenty of other skills to help us distract and cope like listening to music, hearing your favorite song can help de-escalate well. I know it may be hard to engage in our usual self care right now, but finding fun things to do at home like various art projects, gardening, exercise and so many other things can help us in the moment.
These may be unprecedented times, but just know you are not alone. If you feel like you need someone to talk to people are here to listen. Please reach out to someone and try to use the different skills shared.
Wishing everyone well!
Introducing Telehealth Video Treatment
I am so happy to announce that I have fully launched telehealth video therapy services in to my practice. The live video sessions are the best of everything as you still get to meet with a therapist on your terms, but you are meeting where you are most comfortable. Anyone living in California knows how crazy our traffic can be so why not avoid the drive time and meet with your therapist from the convenience and comfort of your home, office or anywhere that feels safe to you. Live video sessions are the most convenient way to schedule therapy to fit in to your busy lifestyle.
If you are busy running around and don't have the time to drive to an extra appointment during the week then secure video therapy sessions might be the right choice for you. All video sessions utilize secure and HIPAA compliant software to provide video treatment.
If you think telehealth video treatment might be the right choice for you, please feel free to call or email me to arrange a consultation.
Featured in Calabasas Style Magazine
I am so happy to again be featured in the "Empower" section of Calabasas Style Magazine as someone supporting the families and teens in our area. I am so happy to be able to provide support and guidance for the adolescents and teens who may be struggling with anxiety, depression or even just adjusting to the many stressors of young adulthood.
I am so happy to again be featured in the "Empower" section of Calabasas Style Magazine as someone supporting the families and teens in our area. I am so happy to be able to provide support and guidance for the adolescents and teens who may be struggling with anxiety, depression or even just adjusting to the many stressors of young adulthood.
Featured in the January Edition of Calabasas Style
https://calabasasstyle.com/digital-issues/january-february-2019/
So very happy to be featured in the latest edition of Calabasas Style as a local healthcare provider.
As featured in the Sept/Oct 2018 issue of Calabasas Style Magazine
Please follow the link to read the full article.
https://issuu.com/calabasasstyle/docs/cs_sept.oct.18.digital/160
What is Concierge Therapy?
Today I wanted to discuss the importance of providing in-home treatment options and explore the benefits of conducting therapy services in your home, office or place you feel most safe. Home based therapy services are convenient, confidential, and accessible ways to engage in psychotherapy on your terms. In-home counseling services are the perfect option for anyone looking for added support and needing the flexibility of scheduling.
As my counseling program is tailored to the needs of each individual, nothing is cookie cutter. I will meet you where and when you need. By removing the stress and hassle of leaving your home, driving to and from appointments and focusing on the actual therapy process treatment is beneficial in many ways.
By meeting in-home for therapy we are able to meet in what should be the safest environment in your life. Whether healing from trauma, depression, anxiety or any other struggle, the home environment should be the place you feel the most safe and secure. When we feel safe and secure in our environment we are able to progress and heal in the most effective way possible.
What I have learned from the individuals, couples and families I have treated over that last decade is that we are all less guarded when we are in our home environment. More specifically our communication and interaction styles are very different when we are in our own home versus an office environment we are not acclimated to. By being less guarded in treatment, more work can be accomplished in a shorter time frame. I have noticed that couples and families tend to be more open and less cautious with communications and mannerisms when in the sanctity of their own home. Much more in-depth work can be done to help each individual, couple and family when in the confines of the home.
Confidentiality and security is one of the most important needs when engaging in therapy services. By engaging in the concierge therapy service you will receive the highest level of care and caution in terms of confidentiality. There is absolutely no wait when therapy is on your terms. With concierge services the only person you are speaking to is me. There is no office manager, billing representative or anyone else. The focus is solely on therapist and client.
I believe that in order to be our best, we need the strongest most helpful advocates in our life. I strive to provide the white glove treatment for all of my patients. By limiting the number of patients I take on I am able to provide the highest level of care, convenience and flexibility in scheduling. There is no need to travel anywhere for therapy when you can receive top-notch services from the comfort of your couch. Whether you are struggling with symptoms of anxiety, depression, trauma, state of life transitions or even performance anxiety, in-home treatment is an excellent way to move your life forward as you prioritize your own self care.
The Holiday Blues
In honor of the holiday season I thought it was important to address the pink elephant in the room…The Holiday Blues. In a time when everyone appears to be content, and joyful it is important to remember that it is OK to face some negative emotions, at this time as well. Whether the stress of time with family, grief and loss anniversaries, loneliness, financial concern, or other stressors, it is important to recognize the need for self care at this time of year. There are many ways to safely cope with the holiday blues and recognize what is taking place in your mind and body.
The holiday blues are essentially a set of symptoms that appear similar to anxiety and depression. Various symptoms could include and are not limited to: worry, panic, depression, fatigue, sadness, irritability, etc.. The holidays blues are associated with various physical symptoms: headaches, stomach problems, physical pain, muscle tension, insomnia/hypersomnia, patterns of addiction and other physical health concerns. It is imperative we listen to our bodies and minds so we can intervene and safely address our emotional states.
Healthy coping skills are extremely important in regulating our emotions during this time of the year. Coping skills can fall in to two categories: individual skills and interpersonal (group) skills.
Individual Coping Skills:
Listen to your mind/body
Set realistic goals for self and others-DON'T OVER DO IT!
Creating to-do lists and prioritizing needs rather than focusing on everything
Self Care: specialized time for self, listen to your favorite song, engage in hobbies/interests, rest, have fun, and practice of other safe tools all in moderation
Remain grounded and focused on the present-fight the urge to focus on the past or future
Plan ahead
Interpersonal (group skills):
Reach out: talk to friends, family, therapist, or other helpful individuals
Socialize
Volunteer
As stressful as the holidays may seem always remember that it is a time-limited event. You absolutely have the ability to get through the holidays by using healthy coping skills. Remember that you are not alone in this and that many people face the holiday blues at one time or another.
If ever the holiday blues feel like they are out of control please call:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/